Something that makes me sad is when people say “oh I didn’t want to bother you” or “so-and-so is probably busy so I won’t invite them”. I think there’s a culture of politeness and fear of rejection that makes us more inclined to avoid interactions. This is something I’ve been pushing back against this year. Here are some examples of what I mean:

  • I was at a coffee shop that my friend recommended a long time ago and I didn’t know what to get. I knew my friend was studying for a test and it was a kind of dumb thing to do, but I called him for a few minutes to get his recs. Obviously, I can just pick something, but I feel like calling him makes him a part of my life in the present.
  • When I’m walking on the street, if I see somebody has a cool jacket or glasses or anything, I tell them. If someone is reading a book that looks interesting, I ask them what they think about it. I don’t want to live in a world where everyone keeps to themselves.
  • If someone invites me to something, I try my best to show up. I don’t let my mind convince me that they didn’t really want to invite me (especially if I don’t know them that well) – I don’t view my presence as an inconvenience to others.

On a related note, if I have a question, I try to call people – even if I know they might be busy. If they don’t pick up, it’s fine. I’m trying to get out of the mindset where I’m embarrassed if somebody doesn’t pick up. Anytime someone calls me, I’m always touched that they put aside time and thought about me.

This isn’t an absolute. There are social cues you can take, and it can become too much (see On Advice), but I often feel like we don’t share our lives with others enough.

The world is held together, really it is held together, by the love and the passion of a very few people.

James Baldwin

And on this note, don’t let others not taking the same initiative deter you – you should do it without expecting anything in return. I like to think that my small part makes ripples that propagate and compound over time.

If you’re romantic about life, it’s on you to make that romance a reality. Host dinner parties. Plan the next road trip. Play your guitar in the park.

Some folks won’t be the catalyst to make life more romantic, but that’s all the more reason for you to take the initiative.


(As I was writing this, the stranger sitting next to me on the train started a conversation with me and “inconvenienced” me. The universe works in mysterious ways 😁)