I’m guilty of being a timeboxer. A few weeks ago, I was calling a friend and at the end of the call they joked that their 30 minute window with me was over. On weekends, I’ll usually have multiple activities planned in a day, which naturally constrains the amount of time I can spend at each event. So I might go to a birthday party knowing I’ll only be there for an hour, before I go to someone’s housewarming, before I go to dinner—I’m leaving events early because I have somewhere else to be.

It’s not like I’m trying to be a timeboxer. I justify this as wanting to be present for people who invite me, which I feel is important. But often my favorite memories come from either spending unbounded time with friends and spontaneous adventures. At times, it feels like I’m just checking boxes.

I’ve tried the other way too, leaving my weekends fully empty. This doesn’t feel great though. Maybe it’s because I’m used to constant stimulus in New York, but having a weekend to “relax” makes me feel like I’m wasting my time. I get stressed thinking how I’m squandering my free time.

Timeboxing feels like I’m having a transactional approach with friendships, which sucks. The problem is that time is a constrained resource. Am I supposed to intentionally say no to some things to leave unstructured time? That feels pretty weird. It also feels weird if someone asks to hang out and I have no “slots” for them for the next three weeks.

I’m sure there’s some balance to strike here, but I’m not sure what it looks like. Something that scares me is that my time is becoming more and more rigid. I’ve heard that as you get older, the time allocation for your responsibilities and commitments keep growing. Maybe this is one of those things that just works itself out. I’m more cognizant that I do this now, and try to remind myself of how extended time and uncertainty allow for some uniquely rich experiences that timeboxing misses out on.